Children don't bring happiness?

Comment

Comment by Nhi Tran on May 7, 2009 at 1:01pm

Thanks for the comment Jason. That was a pleasant read (where are your blogs?!) and you definitely made some great points about this study to alleviate my concerns.

I agree, there are many types of happiness in life and becoming a parent is probably the greatest gift any one could receive. You seem to really love your daughters so they must feel lucky to have you in their world as well. Congratulations! :)

Comment by Jason Hodges on May 7, 2009 at 12:09pm

Hello,
Just wanted to offer some feedback regarding the study:
Within the original article provides are important points to keep in mind (even if the headline blurts out the opposite message). First, keep in mind the context as encapsulated in the article's final paragraph:
Stanley cautions against concluding that children damage overall happiness in life. "There are
different types of happiness in life and that while some luster may be off marital happiness for
at least a time during this period of life, there is a whole dimension of family happiness and
contentment based on the family that couples are building. This type of happiness can be
powerful and positive but it has not been the focus of research," Stanley says.
Second interesting point:
However, some couples said their relationships were stronger post-birth. Couples
who had been married longer, or who had higher incomes, seemed to have fewer
marital problems related to having a baby than those with lower incomes or who had
been married for a shorter period of time.

I would have to agree with the article's initial statement that a new baby (or any new adjustment) has the potential to add stress or complications to anyone's life, which transfers to potential issues in an individual's relationships. Being the father of 2 little girls under the age of two, I can say, from my experience, yes, my little girls (adorable and sweet as they are) sometimes add stress to my life. That stress can manifest itself through relationship problems. Particularly when talking about the first year of adjustment with new baby: sleepless nights, crying infants, lack of a couple's "alone time", and so on. That being said, I couldn't and wouldn't want to imagine my life without them (and I would imagine that a large percentage of that 90% would say the same thing).
Surveys are tricky (personally, I'm not a big fan of them). For example, if I were asked a year after my first daughter's birth to compare my happiness (personal and relationships) to the previous year I would be lumped into that 90% of people feeling less satisfied. But that had little to do with my daughter and more to do with moving from my hometown, taking on a new job, missing my old friends, and stress at work. I believe there are so many nuances to happiness that we can never really pin down that one variable that has the greatest influence. So does that mean my first daughter impacted our marriage negatively? I'll leave that to a survey researcher to decide :)