just on my mind

Tim Sullivan- Adults as listeners

I have worked in the early childhood education field since June 1992, and has spent the last 7 years as assistant director and lead preschool teacher at a center in Seattle, WA

The cornerstone of American education is communication through written and spoken language. The way to promote that language is by teaching the adult leaders (teachers, pastors, parents) to become partners in conversations with children that allow those children to feel safe to express who they are. I believe adults should talk to children the way they would like to be talked to.

This theory was based on an event that happened to me when I was nine, and was developed through my many years studying and working with preschool children. I remember vividly being a nervous nine year old boy standing in front of a class of my peers being forced to share my written assignment “what did you do on your summer vacation.” As I finally finished stumbling through the last paragraph of my paper I remember feeling a weight being lifted off my chest, as I darted quickly back to my seat. Then I heard the teacher say in her deep scratchy voice “wait one minute Tim.” The next thing I know I was being bombarded with questions from the teacher; “why did you write about that? Tell me more about this? Why was that important to your story?” I remember freezing as a feeling of dread and embarrassment filled my body. I sat there unable to talk for what felt like hours as all that was able to escape from my mouth was a mumbled “I don’t know.” After finally being excused back to my seat I slinked into my chair thinking “what did I learn from that, except maybe to keep my mouth shut whenever possible?” Now looking back on it I think I learned that there has to be a better way.

The first thing that must be established is why children learn to use language. The traditional belief of quizzing, and questions and answers, assumes that children learn language to please the adults around them. I do not believe that is the case, and many experts agree. Joan Tough a leader of primary education points out in her book Learning to use Language that children have a different and more obvious reason to learn language. She writes “he (the student) learns to use language because he wants to communicate with other people. It is his urge to communicate, both to pass on and receive meaning that motivates the child to persist in his efforts to use language.” To me that would mean in order for a child to have the drive to use language, personal bonds must be formed between the adult and the child so he feels safe, and has a yearning to engage in mutually enriching conversations.

I have found that the two best ways to be present with children and to promote language are by the use of paraphrases, and parallel personal comments. Paraphrasing is repeating the child’s message back to him using completely different words. This technique tells the child you are listening to him, and are wholly present with him while allowing the child to go into a deeper response to his statement if he so chooses, without being demanding on the child. This will form a personal bond that allows the child to feel safe talking to that adult. The second of these techniques parallel personal comments is expressing your own personal feelings or experiences that correspond directly to a statement the child has said. That is responding personally to the child’s exact topic in such a way that you can connect on a deeper level with the child. This requires the adult to share of him self, which goes against the modern teacher-student relationship, but doing so will also bolster the thirst for the child to learn how to communicate, as well as modeling disclosure to the children.

Children learn both written and oral language because they have a drive to communicate with other people. They want to know what other people think, and want others to know their ideas. To nourish these ideas adults must be listeners as well as communicators in conversations with children. Adults allow children to feel respected, and safe to be who they are when they engage in conversations that involve sharing of ideas and information by both sides. I often ask my self this question after having conversations with children “how would I feel if some one just said that to me?” If the answer is small or intimidated then I know I said the wrong thing. I believe young lives are impacted daily, both in positive and negative ways by things said to them, it is our jobs as the leaders to choose the impact we have on children.